Home & Garden show

Husband and I went to the local Home & Garden show this past weekend - mostly to get out of the house. The one here in Columbus is set up with the Home show in one building and the Garden show in another. The home show was actually pretty nice. The only thing we inquired about was getting the attic insulated.

But the Garden show was a real let down. Most of the displays were set up behind big walls and one entrance in and one exit out. Needless to say the lines were horrendous. And the displays were pathetic. One had a plane crash theme. Another was Hollywood in the Tropics. Needless to say we didn't go in. How would those displays help me garden in OHIO? So we spent a little time with the few vendors not behind the "magic walls", bought flowers for the garden, and left. Very weird.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Part of it is the simplicity of the holiday itself. The holiday is meant to be a brief pause in a busy world to be grateful. Just be grateful, that's all. We use the ritual of a meal to reinforce that feeling of gratitude. Many Americans already say a prayer before dinner that expresses gratitude. But this annual tradition also means gathering family and friends and enjoying each other's company. Nothing is expected - no gifts, no cards, no special trees or baskets - oh maybe contribute a side dish for the meal, but not even that in some families. Just sit around, talk and eat and remember how much you have to be grateful for.

Sitting around and talking and eating also aptly describes my upbringing. You see, dinner every night was a command performance. No excuses not to be there. Good food (my mom was a good cook, surprise!) Dinner was always an hour, with all the talking 5 kids and 2 adults could do, and 2 or 3 hours was not unheard of. We really enjoyed each other's company, and still do. My parents are dead now, but when the 5 of us get together it's like a magnet. We're pulled together by some invisible force, because we're almost always in the same room together.

I must admit the traditional Thankgiving meal is my favorite meal. Just ask my husband - we have roast turkey (or fried - YUM) several times a year. In fact we have two (not one but TWO) 21 pound turkeys in our freezer. The local grocery chain was having them on sale (29 cents a pound, I think), but by the time we got there, these where the smallest birds left. I don't care. I'll eat it!

I'm most grateful for the people in my life, because they're the most important things in life: my husband - 13 years is hard to believe it's gone by so quickly. My family 4 siblings, 12 nieces/nephews with 2 GREAT nieces/nephews on the way, friends - some I've known since high school and others only a few years, but fortunately there's quite a few. I'm also grateful to have a job that I like working for a company that treats me well and that I think I can trust. Hard to find these days. I'm grateful for my home - not just the house - but everything about it that MAKES it home - the Trixie and Tillie my cats, the things husband and I have chosen for it and the memories we've made there.

And I'm really grateful that Thanksgiving is a holiday, so that I can take a moment and remember how lucky I am.

Protesting Propositon 8

This is an email that I sent to my family a couple of days ago, asking them to be part of the national Join The Impact protest yesterday. I think it's important to ask family and friends for help with changing the marriage laws. Because ultimately the only way to change minds and hearts is one at a time. And who is more likely to be persuaded than people who already love you? Tell them your story and ask for their help.

"I know that California is far away and the issue of gay marriage may seem
pretty abstract to you. It’s not to me. It’s very real and has been for a
long time. Chuck’s death, all those years ago, made the issue anything but
abstract to me.

You see he died the day after I moved into the house that we bought together. We considered that day to be the day that we got married. If we had actually been married, I would have been protected. As it was, I not only had to pay the mortgage and other bills on my salary alone, I had to pay his estate back for the portion of the down payment that he contributed. All of these bills were paid on about 1/3 of
the income we had when we qualified for the mortgage. A straight couple wouldn’t have had this problem, because the marriage license would have protected the surviving spouse. But we couldn’t get married, so I had no protection. I did manage to keep the house and to avoid bankruptcy, but only barely. And it took me 11 years to dig out of the financial mess I was left with.

So you see this is a civil rights issue. No matter how you feel about a religious marriage, a civil marriage is a separate issue. Religions are free to make whatever rules they think are right for their members. But Proposition 8, and constitutional
amendments like it in more than 20 states in the US, bars civil marriage to same
sex couples. This is institutionalizing discrimination and must be stopped.

This Saturday there is a nationwide protest of the passage of Proposition 8. I’m
going to be attending the local protest in front of the Columbus City Hall
because this is an issue that I am passionate about. I’m writing to ask you to join in the protest in your area. I’ve included a link so that you can find the details.

Pittsburgh: http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/page/Pittsburgh
Harrisburg: http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/page/Harrisburg
(sorry MED, that’s the closest I could find)

I’m asking you to join me in this protest because gays and lesbians need all the allies we can find if we ever hope to change the law. One of my favorite memories of the 1993 March on Washington DC was a group of about 12 guys on the sidelines with a sign that said “Straight Men for Gay Rights”. Their support meant a lot. History shows that civil rights are won only when there is a broad support for those rights. African Americans fought for decades for their rights, but what tipped the scales was when white American joined the protest. That’s why I’m asking for your help.

I realize this may be uncomfortable for you. Go with your spouse. Take a friend. Make a sign that says “Straight Couple for Gay Marriage”! Do what you have to do to make yourself go, but please go.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

M&M"

My 50th Birthday Party

Husband threw me a 50th birthday party last weekend. I really think it was the best party we've thrown yet. I had SUCH a good time and it seemed like everyone who came did too.

We had about 30 people or so - friends and family - some of whom came all the way from Lancaster county Pennsylvania. I was really touched (and no, not touched THAT way). There was a diner theme - because I LOVE diners. Any place where the waitresses call complete strangers "hon" is my kind of place. There was omelets made to order, meat loaf, open face turkey sandwiches and french toast as entrees (the party was a dinner time). The hors d'oerves were tiny chicken pot pies, tuna melts and crudite. We got 2 cakes from an incredible local bakery (Mozart's) one chocolate and one vanilla. I also made 2 pies - 1 apple and 1 cherry. Needless to say, no one left hungry on OUR account!

Oh I almost forgot - we also had some SPECIAL snacks: baked cheese curls, Reeses' peanut butter cups and Haribo Gummi Bears. Now these are specials because although I LOVE each of these treats, I NEVER keep them in the house. Mainly because I don't have any will power with these snacks. If any of these are in the house, I can't stop eating them. It's ugly. It's just easier not to buy them - except once in a very great while.

The party was loud and somewhat raucous - but not in that college frat party kind of way. It's was a party with a house full of people who liked to talk. I asked friends of mine to take pictures - knowing that I would forget. They took 198! So, over the next few weeks, I'm going to post some of these pictures. If there's a story behind the picture, I'll share it (assuming I know it.) Other times, there will just be a picture. And some of these picture are, um, ODD. But I like them because somehow they capture what the party was really like.

Dreams

What are YOUR dreams like?

I've learned that mine are weirder than most, which doesn't completely surprise me. I mostly dream of people who are NOT in my life - usually completely made up people. I nearly always dream in color. My dreams often have music in them, like movie scores. I have in the past dreamt as a cartoon - one that I had completely made up - the characters, plot (such as it was), art work - the whole shebang. Once in a VERY great while I'll realize that I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. I always wind up flying when I wake up in a dream.

What brings this to mind is a dream I had late last night. It was an opera. YES, an opera. Not Madame Butterfly or La Traviata, an opera I made up. Now it didn't last for hours - probably just a few minutes. But everyone was singing. And the funny part is that it was very much a modern opera. Everyone had their solo lines that fit together in sometimes harmonious and sometimes dissonant ways. I don't remember what the opera was about or the characters (though it was someone in my life). Very weird - even for me.

What about it? What are your dreams like?

I'm back!

I've been back from vacation since Sunday 6/29, but haven't really been up to posting. Vacation was a LOT of fun, but my arthritis really flared while I was gone. I'm no longer tired all the time, but I still hurt a lot. So, I haven't been writing.

Random thoughts that occurred to me while on vacation:

Even though I'm not much of a swimmer, I really love going to the beach. I can watch the ocean for hours - and did. The sound is very calming. The sight is somehow constantly changing and always the same. The smell... well I'll put up with the smell.

My niece CLS got married on the beach while we were there (the reason for the family vacation). She was beautiful. Yeah, I'm prejudiced, to be sure. But she was gorgeous. She and her new husband are crazy about each other. I'm thrilled for both of them. I'd forgotten how easily I cry at wedding.

I'm really lucky to have a family that gets along as well as we do. That's not to say that there aren't differences, but those differences don't take over the family and our time together. There were 18 people in an 8 bedroom house for 7 days. And not only were we talking to each other at the end of 7 days, but we were all really sad to see the vacation end.

I get really maudlin on the last day of vacation and I have no idea why. I LOVE vacationing as much as anyone. I love my life at home and look forward to getting back to it at the end of vacation. But for some reason the transition from vacation to home is a sad one for me.

More later. Bye!

Vacation!

I'm going to Nags Head, NC for a week starting Saturday for a family vacation. On Tuesday one of my nieces is getting married on the beach. Should be fun. I need the a break.

BUT, because I have stuff to do to get ready for the trip, I'll not be posting again until after I'm back.

Be Good. Have Fun. (take your pick).

Father's Day

My father died in 2002. While I think of him often, I tend to think of him more on holidays, Father's Day among them. And this year Father's Day falls on his birthday.

It's hard to describe my father, really. He was a quiet man - probably the only quiet person in my immediate family - and yet he liked to talk. He was quiet because he wanted to know what we were thinking and the best way to do that was to let us do the talking, so he did. But he did LIKE to talk, but preferred to do it one on one. He was never the life of the party (that would be my mom!), but he'd find someone to talk to and talk their ear off in an out of the way corner.

The only thing he loved more than his kids and grandkids was his wife. While some feel that parents should put children first, speaking from someone who grew up in a family that didn't - I think parents should put their marriage first. Don't misunderstand, both of my parents were VERY good to us. But I always knew how in love my parents were with each other. I heard him say many times that he was more in love with her than he was the day he married her. Until the day he died, his face lit up as soon as she walked into the room. Growing up in that kind of environment was amazing. Maybe that's what allowed 7 people to live in a house of less than 1000 square feet and only 1 bathroom! Things were different with post-WWII housing...

My dad worked in a steel mill for 30 years, then worked for the city of McKeesport for 12 more years. One of the things that he was proudest of was that none of his 5 children ever worked a day in a steel mill. He never nagged any of us about not working there. He would just ask us about our plans for college or some sort of schooling after high school. He'd never offer to help us get a summer job at the mill, but would make suggestions on where ELSE we could find one. That was his style, never in your face - just a gentle nudge in the direction he thought we'd be happiest.

And while he was quiet, he did have a temper. He didn't lose it often, but when he did you didn't want to be in the same room. Or area code... I remember once when my brother said one too many teen-aged smart-alecky things to my mom, my father picked my brother up, and pinned him up against the refrigerator (with my brother's feet not touching the floor) and snarling at him "No one talks to your mother that way!" And no one did, after that.

The last few years of my father's life were spent in a great deal of pain, because of a progressive illness that he had. But the grace with which he handled the ever-increasing pain was amazing. Selfishly I hope I never have to experience the kind of pain he did, but if that's what comes to pass for me, I'm very grateful for the role model my father was.

In so many ways.

I love you Dad. Happy Father's Day.

Jelly Bean update

Well it's official. The jelly beans are gone. (sniff, sniff). They'll be missed.

But I want to make sure that everyone knows that Husband finished HIS jelly beans BEFORE I finished mine. Two whole days before, in fact.

So THERE! Real MATURE!

I must be a bigger geek than I realize

I've been reading a lot of news websites about gay rights in general since the CA Supreme Court decision on gay marriage. One of the other issues for many gay people is gays in the US military and the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law. That law is usually shortened to "DADT" on websites.

Invariably I read that to myself "Defense Against the Dark Arts" first, before going NO WAIT! Does that mean I'm a geek first THEN gay?

If so, why don't I work in the computer field?

California Supreme Court decision on gay marriage

I've been involved in the gay marriage issue for a long time. As a member of the Pittsburgh Friends Meeting (Quakers) back in the early 1990's, the issue was one of the central questions of the meeting at the time. I won't go in to details (it took several years to get to a place where everyone felt comfortable. And explaining the Quaker method of making decisons would be a book all to itself.), but it finally culminated in re-writing the book that Meeting used for Meetings for Marriage. I was asked to work with the group of Friends re-writing the book. I can't tell you how honored I felt, since these were all people I greatly admired.

But getting TO that point was long and laborous, not to mention necessary. From a Quaker perspective, a decision can't be made unless there is not one single person in the Meeting who would stand opposed to that decision. As I'm sure everyone has seen for themselves over the last 5 or 6 years, marriage is something that many people have strong feelings about. Changing the institution riles some to the point of being irrational - on ALL sides of the issue. And if it took this long in a Quaker Meeting - individually some of the most liberal people you will find - imagine how long it will take the rest of the country! Change will come, but it will come slowly.

That being said, the CA decision is a big step forward. Especially because what they based their decision on was equal protection. They didn't proscribe a particular remedy, only that the remedy the legislature comes up with must treat both heterosexual and homosexual couples equally. It is entirely possible (and recommended, from my perspective) that the CA legislature will decide to call all committed relationships that have been legally sanctioned "civil unions" and let churches decide for themselves whether or when to call a couple's union a "marriage."

Readers of this blog may have gathered for themselves the level of commitment I have with my partner, since I refer to him as "husband". And, living in Ohio, we live in a state that has discrimination written into its constituion, when it comes to same-sex marriage. We don't feel this discrimination on an everyday basis, of course. If we did, why would we stay? But there are real ramifications of not being able to get married, and we have both felt them in the past.

Both of us have had other partners before entering this relationship. And both of us had that partner die. In my case, because my first partner wasn't out, I had to pay his estate back for the down payment for the house we had just bought together. I had to pay this back, without his income to help pay the expenses of owning a home (and his income was twice what mine was). I was working and going to school, living in a house I couldn't afford and trying desperately not to go bankrupt and lose the house. I managed, barely, but it took me 11 years to dig out of that financial mess. A mess that a married straight couple wouldn't have had to worry about, because current marriage laws protect them.

My husband, on the other hand, has not one picture of his late partner - a man he spent 10 years of his life with. His parents demanded all of his belongings after he died, because after all, why would he want them? It never crossed their minds, I'm sure.

So I guess I've seen both sides of the issue - people of all kinds who support same sex marriage and people of all kinds who don't. The time will come when this won't be an issue - either for government or for religions - but we aren't there yet. Honestly, I doubt that I will live long enough to see it. I'm not saying that because I'm pessimistic, but because I've seen how long real, lasting change can take. The thing to focus on though, is that things ARE changing for the better.

Telling on myself

Sometimes I do funny things. Sometimes I do stupid things. Sometimes I do things that are stupid AND funny. When I do, and I feel the urge to share them, I'll put them under this title. And today I feel the need to share.

Once in a while I have a period where I can't seem to get enough of a particular food. And the food is never GOOD for me either. At the moment I seem to be in one of those periods and the food that I'm obsessing over is jelly beans (and no, I was not a Reagan fan.) It's happened before with jelly beans, but not for about 9 years. Like I said, it happens once in a while.

Anyway I went grocery shopping with my husband. We went to a particular grocery store because we knew that this store had a Jelly Belly display that included Sours. Now when I get this jelly bean craving they don't have to be Jelly Belly. I'm no jelly bean snob or anything. They have to be fruit flavored (spice - EW!), but other than that, I don't care. But once I had those sours in mind, well, I did mention that I was obsessed, right?

Anyway, I walk up to the display and tear off a plastic bag. I give it a cursory glance and figure it will hold about 1 pound of candy. Great. Perfect. So I fill up my bag with Sours I had been obsessing over for about a month, put them in the grocery cart and start to push the cart away from the display. Husband says something like "Aren't you going to get any other flavors?" PERMISSION to satisfy my obsession? Why YES! YES, thank you VERY much!

So I grab another bag, and go to the other flavors that he wanted to try (all fruit flavored. YEAH!) and put them in the bag. Then, just to top off the bag mind you, I put in a few other flavors that sounded yummy. Plum? Oh My God That Sounds SO Good! I nearly fill that bag too and we're done with jelly beans and off to fill the rest of grocery needs.

We weren't buying a TON of things so when we got to the check out and the cashier said "That'll be $89.13" I vaguely thought "that's a little more than I thought it would be." But I chalked it up to rising food prices and put the bags in the cart. (To those of you who have figured out where this is going, stop skipping ahead of the class!) Then Husband looks at the receipt and gives me this Look. It's a look that says "I know something that is very funny and I DARE you to ask me about it in front of ALL of these people." Naturally I asked about it in the parking lot.

It turns out that we spent $89.13 on groceries but $31.00 of that was on JELLY BEANS! The plastic bags held more than 2 pounds a piece and we had nearly filled two of them, so we bought over 4 pounds of jelly beans (and it was ALmost enough!)And to top it off Jelly Bellies are over $7.00 a POUND! Can you IMAGINE? $7.00 a pound for jelly beans? I hadn't even looked at the price on the display. It never occurred to me that they would be that expensive.

If we had a safe at home, I'd probably put the darn things in the safe. When you spend $31.00 on jelly beans, the darn things ought to last a while.

But with my current jelly bean obsession, they probably won't.

You Better Be Good to me!

TINA! TINA!

Yesterday Cher and Tina Turner were on the Oprah show. The gay union sent a blast email telling everyone about the show, so naturally I watched it. Time to punch another notch in the gay union card.

A prisoner of your love
Entangled in your web

The show was worth watching - I still have it on my DVR to share with friends tomorrow night after dinner. But the BEST thing, was when Tina Turner announced she was going to go on tour again starting on October 1st! WOO HOO!!

Hot whispers in the night
Im captured by your spell


See the last time Tina toured (which was supposed to be her last tour, but I'm NOT complaining), I didn't get to see her. I was flat broke and couldn't afford a ticket. It was a real regret of mine that I had never seen her in concert, when I'm such a big fan of hers. And I try to live my life so that I have no regrets.

Oh yes Im touched by this show of emotion
Should I be fractured by your lack of devotion
Should I? Should I?

Tickets don't go on sale until Monday, May 12th, but the Oprah show's website had details on how to order tickets early. So I immediately went upstairs, got on the computer and ordered 2 tickets for her show in Chicago on 10/3/08. No shows in Columbus. I then left a voicemail for my friend BS saying "I hope you can get time off on your new job, because you and I are going to see Tina Turner in concert in Chicago in October. Call me." (See? I'm blunt in real life too, not just online). BS grew up in Chicago and still has friends there. And I know how much he loves music generally - although I wasn't sure of his opinion of Tina. But I HAD DECIDED. (G)

You better be good to me
Thats how its gotta be now

A little later I was talking with one of my brothers-in-law, FE. FE said to me, "Why didn't you ask your husband?" It wasn't until that point that I consciously thought about it, but I KNEW that he wouldn't want to go. He doesn't care for vocal music and he HATES large crowds. Traveling to to Chicago to go to a Tina Turner concert? Not likely. Just to be sure, I asked him about it later. He looked at me like I had grown a second (extremely UGLY) head on my shoulders and said "No. I don't want to go." He didn't SAY "Are you nuts?" but he didn't need to. Facial expressions can be very clear.

Cause I dont have no use
For what you loosely call the truth

So BS and I are going to the concert on Friday and will stay in Chicago until Sunday. I've decided that this weekend getaway will be the tail-end of my 50th birthday celebration. Unless I can get afford to go to Vegas and see Cher in concert. THEN ALL BETS ARE OFF!

You better be good to me

I decided to put the first verse and chorus of "You Better Be Good to Me" in this posting so that you could know what I've been like all day. That song has been running through my head since I ordered tickets yesterday!

I'm back!

I haven't posted in a few days because I've been under the weather. As I've written before, I get migraine headaches that can be triggered by a number of things. I had a migraine a week ago that lasted for about 8 hours. Although the migraine went away, I still had a regular headache for another 3 days. Finally on Tuesday, I'm sitting at work with my elbows on my desk and my face in my hands thinking "My face hurts so much!" (don't go there!)

Then, all of a sudden, it occured to me: I have a sinus infection. All of my headache pain started in the sinuses - and I had other symptoms that are just too gross to explain (but if you've ever had a sinus infection, I'm sure you know what I mean). So I contacted my doctor and he wrote a script for antibiotics. Doctors don't normally do this, but I've had sinus infections for years and had sinus surgery. I know when I'm infected and know how important it is not take antibiotics more than absolutely necessary.

So, I've take the pills, slept a LOT and am feeling a lot more myself. Now my face only hurts me when I look in the mirror! (it's okay when I do it) I have a few things on my mind, so I'll be posting a lot over the weekend.